I'm giving up on how things should be What is expected I'm just gonna do my own thing.  I don't need your approval. And if I change overnight,  Does it matter?

It's the time of year again Where I start thinking about life and death and everything again.  Where I distance myself from my own life, and say Is this really where you want to be? I am technically in a good place right now And yet I start to care less and less.  Because is all that effort All that energy and pain All worth it in the end? Also I still don't know what I like What I want What I feel.  I'm way too susceptible for what others think What they feel, what they experience.  I'm too good of a mirror I don't know what to do around others, who to be So I try different things, different roles, New faces.  But who the fuck am I One thing I do know, is that I'm okay with myself.  My feelings are valid. What I do is my choice. It's just often a mess

 All these years, I thought what I felt was loneliness. From deep inside me, like a piece that was missing.  I still don't know what it is.  I just feel like crying, wanting to be close to someone,  and yet, I am so tired of human connection.  A very fun contradiction in myself.  Over the years, I have learnt that I am not alone. I have so many great friends, and people that are close Yet momentarily I do not feel it.  And that is okay.  Just gotta deal with this feeling properly.  And stay kind to myself being okay with not doing much in a day because feeling okay is worth more than feeling shit and productive

I can finally let go control Of time Of my life I have tried to grasp Not to let go For so long. To use every moment, For what? It certainly never got me happier It made me strong, yes Strong to fight myself The worst fight One that cannot be lost Eventually you learn your own tricks The bad and the good side. It's a losing battle Self-destructive I am glad that is gone Mostly Fuck winter

 I just feel empty Momentarily, I don't care about school, about myself,  about goals, things I want to do maybe ever. There's just nothing Usually I would just care about others, throw myself in it completely, but that does not satisfy.  It does slightly, but not enough.  maybe it's just the winter getting to me again.  I'm fucked, ain't I