I'm not sure I'll be ever comfortable in my own body Events feel like dress up parties, Just to pretend I'm something I'm actually not sure of I am. Like comic con almost. Most of the time I just dress up to feel confident, To be cheeky, as a jab to the rules or the 'standard'. That does make me comfortable. In charge It's weird to say, but I know I'm pretty. Even when I look in the mirror now, I do am happy with what I see. It took me years but I'm finally here But it's strange. I'm not sure how I see myself in my mind's eye, But it's not similar to what I see in the mirror.  That's as much as I know That's why I don't care if I paint my hair, wear a dress or a onesie,  It does not change the fact that I don't have an image of myself in my mind.  Maybe it's still that little girl that's stuck.  Honestly, lately I've been telling new people that I dont care about if I'm called a girl or a boy, if people...

Most of the time I can be okay Just sometimes, everything throws me off I feel like a kid, very vulnerable and constantly guarding myself I don't know how to put it beside me Doctor told me it was not because the thing I thought.  She told me it was mental So now trying to fight the selfblame I just cannot let go Everything goes too fast,  One anx comes in before I can cope with the other I just want to be okay Is that too much to ask?