The question that can rule your life, how to stay awake, in the moment, caring Forgetting what you want, never even knowing it It's reasoned, most of 'what do they expect' What would they want, what do I fear Anger, disappointment, or maybe worse, disapproval? It doesn't make sense, but it rules my life. But when I stop this nonsense, how else should I think? What makes them happy vs what makes me happy? But what does? The food I eat, I like, get energy from, but it doesn't make me happy The art I make, is only to pass time nicely. The texts I write are only for my mind to calm down, School, I only go to, because it suits me, and I want to have a certificate. The people I meet, just to get some conversation. I don't know what makes me happy. Have I ever been? Just a few moments, glimpses, ideas. It scares me that ideas give me more happiness than the actual things. I guess I need to have some more christmas spirit, aka wine or liquor. L...

When I touch, I want to feel My own or yours, it doesn't matter When I see, I want to heal The happiness that's now shattered The nerves you have, the way you act I hope it's all too real Please, let me know If it's true, that I can let myself feel Give me a sign, that you want more Just for me to be sure. We just aren't, I think Whatever happens, Thank you, for giving me hope. Helping me further, without you knowing. Xoxo

In de stilte, hoor ik spreken over mijn gebrokenheid en gebreken maar in plaats van het vullen hoop ik ook die stem te verhullen. Vermijden werkt maar even, loopt uit op schudden en beven. Voor vandaag is het oke morgen of overmorgen deal ik er wel mee. Echt stilte leren zoeken desnoods en alle hoeken en boeken Op zoek naar Zijn stem en vrede opdat het onze relatie moge smeden.