skin hunger such a weird term can't we just call it hugdeprived?

 I get too excited obsessed even With new friends.  Addicted to the happy feeling craving it more and more It might be the reason I at some point deprived myself of it With me, It's just all or nothing,  but I don't have control over it I hate it because I lose my sight on what's reasonable and not weird

Anxiety is captivating me. Stops my breathing Cages my mind, Fogs up the exits Talking is no help Makes it mostly worse Plz just ... I don't know anymore It changes every second

 My mind is such a chaos,  Close to tears, Yet so happy about yesterday I can keep myself from not ruining the memories so far I don't know how long  I can keep strong  I need good sleep. I'll be fine.  Just hope I don't annoy people too much today

What am I now scared off It's the same old, isn't it Scared to be too enthousiastic, to give off the wrong messages. I don't even know what I want myself I have never known I'm a people pleaser in heart and soul I've been trying so hard to get rid of it, but every time, again It pops up. I just get lost in old patterns, as soon as conversations get too fun when I let myself go I'm glad I don't rely on 'needing' friends anymore. I'm blessed in the place I am. New friends are just hard, to find that balance, to convince my mind it's okay the way it is. That I'm not too much people are so kind though some have offered that I can call anytime. I'm just not sure I'll be able to convince myself. Again. Because I never know what I need What I want. It's confusing   Sidenote:  If you read this, do not worry. People seem to keep forgetting that me posting stuff here is mostly just to store my poems. Not to let ppl read them. But it...

 WHY is there such a grey area.  In what is right or wrong I finally got comfortable to share more and now I get told I tell too much It crushes me. I just want to be my fucking self Without justifying anything. Without reasoning. JUST BECAUSE   Let me live, without thinking twice Oh wait I already did it thrice - to infinity Maybe I am just too kind. And do I fuck myself over Time and time again.    I am trying so hard to do what is best.  It is just not doable, I cannot pick myself first.  In the end The only one I have Is me