new friends, old doubts

What am I now scared off
It's the same old, isn't it
Scared to be too enthousiastic, to give off the wrong messages.
I don't even know what I want myself
I have never known
I'm a people pleaser in heart and soul
I've been trying so hard to get rid of it,
but every time,
again
It pops up. I just get lost in old patterns, as soon as conversations get too fun
when I let myself go

I'm glad I don't rely on 'needing' friends anymore.
I'm blessed in the place I am.
New friends are just hard,
to find that balance,
to convince my mind it's okay the way it is.
That I'm not too much

people are so kind though
some have offered that I can call anytime.
I'm just not sure I'll be able to convince myself.
Again. Because I never know what I need
What I want.
It's confusing

 

Sidenote: 

If you read this, do not worry. People seem to keep forgetting that me posting stuff here is mostly just to store my poems. Not to let ppl read them. But it's okay if you want to. It's just not a cry for help.