Your hugs make me cry I don't understand why But you care With you, I'm okay to say no, Or, it's enough for today With you, I can experience new things Like being held, Being hugged tight And just be okay Just enjoy I've never done that before I don't know what love is for me But maybe this is close

If I've been happy,  I always want to apologise afterwards Like somewhere my brain Thinks that my happiness always costs someone pain Every day A little piece of me Dies inside I should take more time to mourn And not pretend the pain's not there Can I just go back to this afternoon I was finally at peace. Like I hardly am It was insane Apparently drowning in someone's arms Is what I always long for. I just don't know, if it's you specifically It's so liberating  Yet so heartbreaking  To recieve an endless hug That feels like you've been there forever  So warm and so welcoming  Thinking of it just makes me cry  This is what I've longed for And now it's breaking me At least I know now I can trust people I can be comfortable around someone  It's heartbreaking to myself That I learn it this late in life Now Don't forget  Not to be carried away too much  I hope I won't break some people

I know what I'm craving again Something I've been afraid of for so long I'm scared of what it'll do with me. This little taste I had yesterday I'm trying to find all the reasons Not to let it happen again While it was so good Why do I deprive myself of things That make me happy I'm so scared to be manipulated And I know I can be too if I don't watch out I'm so fucking scared by the judgement of a few It breaks my brain. Prohibits me to enjoy life The good things hardly last Once I'm finally there, I get scared what it'll ruin I get so anxious about losing it again I hold myself captive in my insecurities I guess I just want someone I feel safe with To hold me Where I can let go Everything And just be okay I know it's not fair to ask If I'm not even sure If I can fall in love

I've never thought id get so far. To actually become an adult I now say I have hardly any dreams But that's because the dream I had, Is way too dark I think I'm glad it didn't come true Still, I'm not used to this To this great place I'm at I keep doubting myself, Over and over,  Wishing I was further, More courageous. Although, I'd never thought I'd get this far I keep wishing for more And that's just unfair To others but mostly to myself. I guess I'm just not ready yet To be brave enough To know what I feel  Maybe it's better this dream stays a dream too. 

I can't breathe I'm surrounded by lovely people But this long lost feeling, It's back.  I just want to cry I've no clue what to do I shouldn't be feeling like this Every word I speak Feels so toxic I feel like I hurt everyone And I just can't hold it back

Show me your world I'll show you mine So my sight will be wider And yours brighter I'll show you up and down The darkest sides and lightest gown The burning sun and so deep you'll drown I'll open your eyes to opportunity The greed and the lust The happiness and the must I'm intense, I'm shy, All the things you can't deny Troubled and free Caught in some degree Come with me and we'll flee Over the rivers and the seas Let's see who can handle me There probably are just a few I'll probably ruin it with all of you Enjoy the ride while it lasts Hope you had a blast