my weakness

I know what I'm craving again

Something I've been afraid of for so long

I'm scared of what it'll do with me.

This little taste I had yesterday

I'm trying to find all the reasons

Not to let it happen again

While it was so good

Why do I deprive myself of things

That make me happy

I'm so scared to be manipulated

And I know I can be too if I don't watch out

I'm so fucking scared by the judgement of a few

It breaks my brain. Prohibits me to enjoy life

The good things hardly last

Once I'm finally there, I get scared what it'll ruin

I get so anxious about losing it again

I hold myself captive in my insecurities

I guess I just want someone

I feel safe with

To hold me

Where I can let go

Everything

And just be okay

I know it's not fair to ask

If I'm not even sure

If I can fall in love