stuck into sadness

It's the time of year again

Where I start thinking about life and death and everything again. 

Where I distance myself from my own life, and say

Is this really where you want to be?

I am technically in a good place right now

And yet

I start to care less and less. 

Because is all that effort

All that energy and pain

All worth it in the end?

Also I still don't know what I like

What I want

What I feel. 

I'm way too susceptible for what others think

What they feel, what they experience. 

I'm too good of a mirror

I don't know what to do around others, who to be

So I try different things, different roles,

New faces. 

But who the fuck am I

One thing I do know, is that I'm okay with myself. 

My feelings are valid. What I do is my choice.

It's just often a mess