feeling alive

I now remember

I loved to play the villain

When I was younger

To be locked up under the slide,

Waiting for a chance to sneak out and 

make the game more mischievous and fun

I don't mind playing games,

But mostly I'll just play my opponent

Be daring, making it emotionally more fun

Maybe I just like to play with people

Or maybe I love to be played with

Where did I get all that trust broken,

Trust in others but mostly in myself

Why did I lose the joy about being mischievous,

Maybe I thought it was bad

Is it though?

Maybe I've been taught

That you shouldn't be happy with doing 'bad' things.

Messing around, confusing people

But if it's not harmful, if you're just playing,

Shouldn't that be okay?

Now I'm winning from the anxiety, 

I find a whole part of me

That always was there, it was just too scared to show

I've missed this. The confidence it gives me

It makes me feel myself. Alive