why I am the problem.

Why don't I care for me,

Why do I feel so insignificant,

That I should care for everyone,

but myself

That it's not okay

To only think about me for once.

Why do I always take others into consideration

To the point that it ruins all meetings and conversations for me.

I should be able to be me,

Whatever the fuck that even means.

It's the reason I cannot accept that I'm liked.

That I cannot enjoy hosting a party,

Because I'm a people pleaser

So much that I concider myself nothing.

Worth giving up to save someone else.

Most people please others to feel acknowledged, significant.

I do it because I'll tear myself down if I don't,

And even then I keep doing it. 

Not on purpose, but because it's how my brain is constructed.

Why have I such a hard time, telling others that I feel terrible,

That I panic, but I can't when there's people around.

That my stress stomach ache sucks the life out of me.

Because I'll feel that I'm a burden. Not worth to be helped, and my brain goes completely self destruct. 

I want to be more vulnerable. I just simply can't

It's the same reason I cannot trust my friends

When they say they love me and care for me.

I really want to believe it. I just never have learnt how to. 

I really want to be myself and not burdened anymore

I hope I'll get there, someday

And that I finally accept,

How loved and how awesome I truly am.