old patterns

What would you want,

What did I forget

Why am I bad

Why can't I do this,

Think of that more,

Why aren't I just perfect?

You triggered them again, 

I, too weak and tired to hold it back,

To outreason you, on my own.

I know, the thoughtpatterns I explained,

It hurts you to know, you don't want to blame yourself 

To go under by your selfpity

And yet, you know how they work,

And you dare to criticize, to meddle even though I let you know, 

Stop

You know I'm tired, that I have hardly energy at all

And then you say I spend most of my time on myself, in such a condecending tone.

I've worked so hard to be okay with that,

To take better care of me,

To even be okay with myself.

I'm glad I usually don't live here anymore.

How did I survive this my whole childhood

I'm glad we talked this through, I'll just need some time,

I hope you give me that much.

Thanks mom