It's all too much

The doubt
No space to breathe
To have time and energy
For the people I love
I constantly say I feel bad
And it's no lie, sadly

It's all too much
The tiny little rules in my head
What is expected of me,
What is wise

I want to see more space
I know there is
I'm so used to these structures
While they're all fake
Phantoms I can't unsee anymore

The constant fight to see through 

The constructs that do not exist

I crash constantly into 

They keep me from telling the truth

Let me believe I'm fine

That I should be fine 

Because of all the luck and skill I have 

Others have it so much worse. 

Just shut up for once

It has gone so far that I can't cry with people around

I can't panic

Everything that's pure me

I can only be alone with it

I just wish I could show you

The mazes I've got myself into

Please

Maybe

One day

I can cry

In your arms

If 

You accept me

I'm scared

You wont 

Or I will fuck up

I'm so sorry

Already

If you only could read this 

I can not show you 

I can't 

I can't