Control & anxiety

There's something we all want, we all desire. To be prepared, to live a good life. To go from here fullfilled. However you imagen that. There seems to be one tool: One treat to rule everything, one thing that keeps us, and others, from ruining our own plans.

 

Control

Control of yourself, to do what's best, instead of what's most fun. Control of others, to get the job you want, to get the friends you desire.

Control would've saved us all from our (stupid) mistakes, right?

See, this is where it gets complicated.

Because your timetable sometimes doesn't match with someone elses.
Because sometimes there's just not enough time.
Because sometimes your mood doesn't go with what you had planned.
Because sometimes you can't say what's going to happen.
Because people are complicated. You can't always guess what they think. What moves them. You can't completely outthink an entire person.
Because sometimes, you get scared by the possibilities you see. 

You get stuck in ''what if's''.
From the past and future
And forget to live in the now.

Endless reflections on how to be better,
how not to make the same mistakes again.
And still making those mistakes.

At least, this is my experience. For you it can be totally different, or you don't care at all. Maybe your opinion is that I'm totally overreacting, or that I have somewhat of a point. Maybe you don't get it, and think I should get help, professionally. Maybe you think I should just let it go, not holding onto things. Maybe you think, I've no problem with this, then neither should you. Maybe you cry for me in your heart, and have no idea what to do to help me. Maybe you just haven't even read till here, because you were bored. Maybe I should just stop. 

If someone ever came close to get full control,
to know all the possibilities,
to not be surprised,
pleasantly or not,
It is me.

Believe me,
Control doesn't exist.
Only paranoid, scared, perfectionistic and overwhelmed people do.

A scared little girl is what's left

Empty